Colonoscopy.

I just had my first. Fear not, all is well.

The prep for those is DISGUSTING. Drinking that shite was one of the least pleasant tasks of this year so far... it tastes AWFUL. I finally realized that putting ice cubes in the glass (you're supposed to drink one 8-oz glass every ten minutes until the fluid is gone) and interspersing with sips of ginger beer/ale really helps. I actually threw it up at first it was so gross.

Moving on, once I got through that and the frequent trips to the bathroom (sorry, but this is the deal), it was just suffering through a day and a half of no solid foods and then nothing at all until the procedure. Not even water. That was hard.

But I had heard that the drugs they give you as anesthesia rock. And BOY do they. You only get to feel it for about 60 seconds before you're under... so as the anesthesiologist said, "I injected a small amount of medication to flush out your vein... you're going to feel it in a few seconds" I lay back and monitored my body. Sure enough, a few seconds later the warmest, most relaxing feeling in the world spread up my whole body. I said, "Cool. I can see why people are heroin addicts." He said, "Yeah... I've actually never had this." I said, "Really? Is it an opiate?" (Stupid question - I was high, people.) He said, "No, it's __________ [a long technical name I could never hope to remember]." I said, "NOT that I care about drugs" and could feel my consciousness beginning to fade. He looked down at me and said, "Here you go..." and I passed out.

I woke up what seemed like a second later in another room still feeling drowsy and cozy and one of the nurses was standing over me saying, "Hi there. You awake?" I said, "Is it over?" and she said yes, it was. She said, "You talked a lot" and smiled. I said, "Oh god, what did I say?" and thankfully they couldn't understand me. Then she offered me Oreos and apple juice and I grinned... FOOD! She said, "I thought you'd like that."

They couldn't have been nicer there and my dr was cool and sweet and clear. So all in all, it could have been worse. But if you have to suffer through one - get a ton of apple juice, ginger ale and have ice on hand. It will help.