homemade antidepressants.

some of us need more dopamine in their lives, in their synapses. i am definitely in that category so i'm always looking for things to make me happy. the most productive and consistently successful way, that i've discovered, is exercise.

but, really...how fun is exercise? not very. afterwards you feel like a rockstar. and you are!

but on those cold october evenings when you are NOT leaving your house, can't do drugs and need a dopa-rush...CAKE!

i made a new recipe of chocolate cake last night complete with rainbow sprinkles.
yeah, i'm 37...what of it?

and then this morning i made more smoothies to try and compensate for the *several* slices of cake i've had since i made this damn thing.

my husband and i had chocolate cake and mint chocolate chip ice cream for dinner last night. yup, that's what we had. and you know what? it worked. it brought smiles to both our faces.

take that, world!

the chocolate cake is super moist and a PERFECT birthday cake. the only things i wasn't super crazy about was the icing - it's too sweet for me. it's delicious. really. but as i get older i can't handle sugar like i used to as a kid. kids would LOVE this. but my friends recommend a Swiss Buttercream which i think may work better for me next time.
this cake is the Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake from epicurious.com. i know, mayo...gross. but if you've never had a mayo cake, don't judge! they are super moist. and tasty tasty. try it out.

the smoothies are a banana, some frozen strawberries, frozen blueberries (i prefer wyman's), flax seeds, a little skim milk and a few chocolate chips => a trick i learned from my older brother...thanks, b. enjoy!

Smoothie madness.

i've put off making smoothies for myself for years. i'm not sure why. do you ever have things you want to do but just never get around to doing? well, smoothies have been on that list for me.

i just made myself a berry, flax seed, greek yogurt, milk & choc chip smoothie for lunch and it was dee-lish-us. why have i waited so long have this healthy and satisfying food experience? i used frozen berries, a berry mix and whole, frozen strawberries. i quickly learned that for my cheap blender, that was too sticky so i added greek yogurt...still too sticky. so added about 1/2 cup of skim milk, that helped. chocolate chips (a trick i learned from my oldest brother...yum). and i had to add flax seed because uhhh...it's healthy.

bottom line is, the damn thing blended up with some coaxing from a spatula and it was soooo good.

next time i would like to use more frozen strawberries, fresh banana, more yogurt, milk, choc chips, flax seed and some chocolate protein powder.

love it!

tall clothes for women, and movies, movies, movies!

so i'm always on the lookout for tall clothing because... well, i'm tall. and as much as i'd like to fit into clothing from The Gap, Target, Anthropologie... it ain't gonna happen. i also happen to be plus-sized which makes my hunting that much trickier.

i just found this t-shirt which makes me giggle.

because oh. mah. gawd. do i get stared at a lot. and it's really irritating sometimes.

i'm searching out new sites for tall women's clothes and will report back here, stat.

i recently saw "Drive" with Ryan Gosling and thought it was pretty good.

the style was amazing, it was well-directed and made me laugh quite a bit given (SPOILER ALERT) how bloody it was! i didn't love the characters or the plot a ton, but it was worth watching. very miami vice, as my husband said. he knows a lot a lot a lot about film. more than me. and i know a fair amount. but i know more about acting. i tend to love movies that provide juicy roles for actors and actresses rather than clever directing tricks. he's kind of the opposite. i also love really clever, well-written films that have social commentary or philosophical ideologies that are well executed. "Dr Strangelove" may be the most clever comedy of all-time, in my opinion (have you seen any of "The Good Wife"?).

anyway. it's a beautiful fall day here in new york shitty and i'm babbling once again.

i also saw "The Debt" with Helen Mirren etc. it was good, not great.


i also saw "Contagion" and it was awful. just don't. i thought it would be, and it was.

i would LOVE to see "Love Crime" with Kristin Scott Thomas and Ludivine Sagnier. i like both those actresses, love crime stories and it looks interesting and cool.

i would also very much like to see "Mozart's Sister". again, interesting and i love movies with 'strong female leads' as Netflix, soon-to-be Qwickster, keeps telling me.
whomever came up with the name 'Qwickster' should be shot. for many, many reasons.

ok! off to harlem to have homemade Indian food tonight. bet you're jealous.

Looking for something fun and funny and cool to do this Memorial Day Weekend in NYC?

Well, here's the answer to all of your dilemmas:

That's Funny, You Didn't Sound Black on the Phone

is a stand up comedy show written and performed by Jacquetta Szathmari, with whom I went to college and I can tell you that even way back then she was super funny.

So don't hesitate, order tix because they are selling out quickly! I'm going on Friday. If you know me, I'll be there. If you don't, I'll bet you can spot me when I stand up after the show!

Need a laugh? Or twenty?

I forgot to mention that I saw this on cable recently and it had me rolling. It's not everyone's type of humor, I realize. You have to love the British sense of super dry word-play (love it), but if you're into that kind of thing, you will love "In The Loop". ROLLING.

It's filthy and ridiculous and so so so funny.

"We have a saying in Britain, 'Difficult, difficult...lemon difficult.'"

Dreaming of M&D

I dreamt of Mom and Dad this morning - how they used to be. We were in a tropical locale, which was often true when we were on vacation. Dad was being kind of a jerk, but not in a malicious way. Mom was...happy. She and I consulted on what I should wear. Do you know how long it's been since that's happened? 10 years. That's how long.

I went to a wedding 10 years ago with a guy I was seeing at the time. She was very sick by then. But her last act as a mother was to take me to a department store and buy me some shoes for the wedding. God, she must have been exhausted by the end of that trip. But she made a point of doing it for me. And giving me advice about how to relax and have fun, even though I was nervous about meeting his family.

Do you have any idea how much I've missed her? How I miss having a mother? Our relationship was far from perfect... but we were crazy about each other.

When I got engaged to Jon I cried for 3 months on and off about the fact that I would be getting married without her. Then I was able to move beyond it and enjoy the process.

Now that I approach child-bearing time I feel that I am in for another round of missing her and wishing she were here to ... well, to mother me. I miss my parents. That's all. I just miss them a whole lot. And I feel that I'm too young not to have them.

Some people never have them. I realize that I'm lucky that I had parents (at least one) who doted on me. She was interfering and obsessive and stubborn as all hell, but she loved me more than anything else in the world. And I, her.

It's taking a while for my head to clear from this dream this morning. Part of me is still back in that beach house asking her, "Is this the right cardigan to wear with this dress?" and she was saying, "No, wear this one, it goes better." We walked next to each other towards the restaurant chatting and laughing.

As she said when I visited her class at school- she would look up at me proudly and say to the students, "This is my baby girl." And we'd laugh as I towered over her.

I still am. Even at 36.

"Hanna" - cool, cool, cool... what?

I was SO excited to see the thriller "Hanna" about the daughter who is trained to be an assassin by her father played by Eric Bana (hot). SO. Excited. I love love love thrillers and yearn for way more shows and films with strong female leads and this one has TWO! TWO!

It was ok. I can't believe some of the plot holes. With a little more character development and some rewriting of the plot line to get closer to what would actually happen in that very unusual circumstance, this movie could have kicked as much ass as Saoirse Ronan does as Hanna. (She was great.)

Cate. Blanchett's. Teeth. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. She, as usual, was awesome. A great villain. And gorgeous. And super talented. Way to look good in a pencil skirt, Ms. Blanchett.

I thoroughly enjoyed watching it but I wanted it to be great soooo badly... and it just wasn't. But it was a fine thriller!

Next up: "Bridesmaids"!