Shod with adamant

my friend, fellow ex-new yorker and roommate woke me by walking in my room, "get up. a plane just flew into the world trade center."
me, groggy, "what? on purpose?" i stumble into her bedroom where the news was on. we had gone swing dancing at windows on the world, lived in new york, started becoming adults in new york.

my brother was due to fly from nyc into san francisco, where i lived, that evening on american airlines. he'd chosen a later flight, thank god.

my mother had died two months previous and i was already in a grief-stricken fog.

i lost a lot in 2001. not as much as some, more than others. it's all tied up in grief, that time. i was losing the last of my girlhood. realizing what it meant to feel alone and afraid and truly heart broken. and what it meant to be strong.

i love you, new york. then and now.