I'm cleansing, I'm cleansing, I'm cleansing.

That's what I keep telling myself. It's funny, for the most part eating fruit and veggies is really pleasing... but about two hours after I eat, I'm really hungry. So I'm tired of eating peanut butter on crackers to get protein and tonight I've informed my very supportive and wonderful husband that we are having vegan burritos. Refried beans, black olives, orange and yellow bell pepper, salsa and avocado. I grabbed reduced fat sour cream at the deli and then thought, "No, no - that is not allowed!".

I just downed a bag of baby carrots and a bunch of hummus and feel much less panicky. I do think my body is happy with me. But man, I get hungry quickly.

My friend's wedding is coming up and I'm so excited! I've known her since I was about 3 years old. And I can't wait to go up to Maine and celebrate with her family. I'm close with her parents and love spending time with them which is rare.

We've been having a heatwave here on the East Coast which is supposed to let up tonight when it will go down to a cool 88F. Beats 100 tho.

And my birthday is coming up. I'm glad to say I'll be on the road for my birthday having a great time with friends. I could use it. It's been a long year and for the moment, we get a breather.

Vegan for a week.

So I have decided to go vegan for a week. My dear friend is getting married on a pond in Maine next weekend and I'm going to be there for the wedding, celebration, bbq etc. But before then I'd like to lose a few lbs and have my skin look refreshed... basically, I need to stop drinking and eating crap.

So I decided to go vegan for a week and see if I could do it. I have never identified myself as a non-meat-eater and drink milk like it's going out of style. I'm one of the few adults who actually drinks glasses of milk with relish. My husband is too.

I have read that consuming animal products may not be as healthy as we think it is. I'm sure for those of you who can eat fish and lean meats, whole grains, steamed veggies and all in moderation on a regular basis this drastic measure is not necessary. But for someone like me - i.e., a compulsive consumer on every level possible, it's hard to make myself stick to certain things. So I decided to "close the door" on a lot of the unhealthy possibilities and make it easier on myself.

So far I've had a lot of rice milk (which is higher in calories, sodium & fat than fat free cow's milk I discovered... hmph), oatmeal, fruit, salad and tempeh. And all of it was damn good.

I do also have to say that I feel... lighter. Not thinner, necessarily, but lighter. I don't feel bogged down in my system, at least not from what I've had to eat since Sunday.

I'll keep you posted. I may get four days into this, see a juicy burger and curse the very thought of vegan-ism. Until then, it's one glass of rice milk at a time.

What I have learned recently. And so on.

When growing zucchini, plant 2 in a couple gallon plastic pot. They get huge and if crowded, will not produce as large fruits. Zucchini are fruits!!! Right? Seeds inside? Whatever.

Plant them with plenty of room to grow.

Caterpillars eat leaves of plants and while they are cool looking and cute, you don't want them in your garden.

You must water herbs every day, especially when they are in direct sunlight for several hours a day.

When trying to lose a bunch of weight rather quickly (I hypothetically have a wedding to go to in July that I need to lose about 15 lbs for in 3 weeks), drink a shitload of water and eat lots of veggies and whole grains and fruit.

Here is my yes and no list as to what I will (not) eat while dieting:

YES
Lean meats (chicken, seafood, pork loin, ham, turkey)
Vegetables
Fruit
Multi grains (Quinoa, Millet, Brown rice)
Oatmeal
Yogurt
Skim milk
Low fat cheese (goat, swiss, LF cheddar, parmesan)
Olive oil
Butter (small amounts)
Beans
High fiber cereal
Juice (in moderation)
Alcohol (Hard alcohol, wine, Guinness, Amstel Light)
Unsalted, raw nuts (moderation)
Low-sodium broth
Canned veggies rinsed & soaked in H2O


NO
Pizza
Fast food
High fat meats (bacon, sausage, beef)
Starch (Pasta, potatoes, rice, cous cous)
Sugar
High fat oils
Pre-prepared sauces (Chinese, Thai, salad dressing etc.)
Deep fried anything
Dessert
Alcohol (Beer)
Liqueurs
Canned food
Frozen entrees
Salt
High fat cheese (brie, regular cheddar, blue)

Do not eat bagels every day for two weeks and expect to lose weight. No matter how fresh and delicious they are.

I am beginning to make homemade compost because I want my veggies and fruit to be amazing and everything I read says I have to have it.

Jon and I are trying to buy a place and might close in the next week or so. This is an incredibly stressful process. I love our new place to bits, but I am now without any funds and no job and am hungry all the time.

My favorite ice cream is cookies and cream. Just so you know.

I have to eat now. Something healthy. Tonight for dinner I'm making baked chicken breasts, quinoa, beet salad. Yeah! Bring it on.

Weight loss... what a bitch.

So I have decided to partially document the diet I have begun... again.

I have struggled with my weight for a long, long, long time. Even when I was thin/skinny/svelt I struggled and felt fat. I now look back at those photos of myself and think, "Holy crap, I would KILL to be that weight again". Getting older and having a slower metabolism doesn't help.

This is not reflective of my general feeling of attractiveness, sexiness, hotness etc. But I do want to lose a fairly significant amount of weight and since I have struggled with this for a while I thought I would write down some thoughts, choices, experiences as I go along. Maybe someone else will find them useful.

I have given up sugar until my birthday which is in July. I am allowed to have cake on my husband's birthday which is June and then will have a shit-ton of sugar on my birthday and make myself sick doing so. I LOVE cake. Love love love love love. I was not allowed to eat sugar growing up, or really eat a lot of anything, so now I feel immense pleasure when I get to gorge on desserts. So we'll see how that goes. I'm already (3 days in) psychotic with sugar cravings. I am allowing myself sugar in my tea and a little on my oatmeal. If you've ever eaten plain oatmeal then you know why.

No desserts, no sugary cereals, no chocolate milk etc. I'm also trying to work out 3-5 times/week (cardio & weights at the gym, yoga, kickboxing, pilates at home). And, of course, I am watching my fat, salt, and carb intake. I eat a lot of low fat meats, vegetables and fruits. The grains I do eat I try to make whole and keep them on the lighter side (Weight Watchers bread etc.). I will be doing Weight Watchers online which I have done before and it's really helped me.

I love all kinds of food passionately. I love to bake, to cook, to go out to eat. I grew up with a mother who enjoyed abstaining from foods in order to preserve her lovely figure - as a result this behavior is repugnant to me so dieting brings out a lot of negative feelings. I am trying to balance all these feelings with the feelings of wanting to feel good about my body, especially as I get older, and watch my health.

I'm 3 days into the no-sugar thing and I want to drown myself in a vat of melted chocolate. I literally moaned out loud at the deli today looking at my favorite chocolate bar. I think the woman behind the counter probably thought, "No wonder she's fat... she's moaning out loud at the mere SIGHT of chocolate." I was on my way home from the gym and was ravenous.

Ok! Off to shower and get back to my day. [Big, forced smile.]