In fact, anyone who knows me (which is everyone reading this) is now laughing.
However.
I just came back from the gym and am so tired I can barely type. I actually enjoy this feeling. It lowers my anxiety level which is notable and eventually, combined with watching what i eat, makes me look better.
I am going to share with you my workout regime because I know nobody cares. If you are interested in getting in shape and have a hard time doing it perhaps you can use some of this for your own regime.
I am not suggesting that I am in great shape, merely that this particular regime has helped me achieve a certain level of fitness (that level being not dead) for a few years. I used to be a jogger at a few different periods in my life and then I got plantars fasciitis (which is a tearing of the ligament that runs along the bottom of your foot) in both feet. And although my injury has healed enough for me to workout again on a regular basis I basically can no longer jog. Sad. I actually dream about jogging and wish that I could. Maybe someday.
Btw, the cure for plantars fasciitis as far as I can tell having done much research, gone to podiatrists, general physicians and fitness stores is stretching, stretching and more stretching. I stretch after every single workout and sometimes even if I don't go to the gym. I got cortisone shots, heel pads, splints to wear at night etc. Stretching out my hamstrings was the only thing that helped. That and a therapist. But that's a different story. And a different kind of demon.
1. Must do at least 4-5 workouts of cardio per week.
2. Each cardio workout should be at least 30 mins long, preferably 40-45 mins.
3. In the beginning I work up to the level at which I want to work out. I often start much lower than I end up doing regularly. Be patient. If you rush yourself you will injure yourself and have to start all over again.
4. I do elliptical machines myself - I hate the stairmaster and cannot run so they are challenging and good on my joints and feet. I do 5-10 mins of warm-up (i.e., a low resistance); then I alternate every 3 minutes from moderate levels to hard levels back and forth until I hit about 25 minutes or until I cannot do it anymore and then I workout on moderate or easy until it is time to quit.
5. Always listen to your body. If you're tired and can't do a hard workout then don't. You can do one tomorrow. I have injured myself many times forcing myself to do something because I "should".
6. (This is the other really important part.) Must do at least 2 muscle toning workouts per week. This includes lifting weights and doing situps/push-ups/pilates/yoga-type stretching. This is a key element to losing weight. Cardio alone will not do it. Not really.
7. Take a pilates class and learn some of the moves. I use them on my own and they are extremely helpful in building muscle mass and core strength and in stretching. I do 3 reps of at least 20 sit-ups and often lift weights with my arms in between each reps to break it up. I also lift weights on machines once a week.
Learn the plank position. It's fucking hard. It will help your core strength almost immediately.
The first time I did it I could only do it for five seconds I think. I'm now at 40 seconds. 1 minutes is really good (according to me).
Always, always stretch. And always drink lots of water.
That's it. I have to shower now.
Oh, and if you want to see in shape... check out Vincent Cassel in Ocean's Twelve.
