O.M.G.

I'm tired.

I've been getting up at 6(ish)am for the past few days to babysit my friend's daughter, Sam, in NJ and I commute there each morning to arrive at 8am and then return leaving their place at 12:30 and getting home around 2pm. I'm POOPED!

Sam is wonderful, as is the little 1 1/2 year old I'm babysitting in the afternoons, but kids do not stop moving! It's giving me a window into what it's going to be like to raise them (hopefully). Yikes.

This old girl better invest in some tea! I didn't have tea today and fell asleep on the subway holding to large plastic bags of different kinds of Halloween candy and a few coloring/sticker books I got for Sam with Hello Kitty, My Little Pony and various kinds of sea animals on them.

I am going to be a zombie bride. This will be my 2nd year as a zombie bride since I insist on getting the most use out of my wedding dress as possible.

So much has happened recently I shudder at the thought of trying to get it all down here, but I will say I have had a lot of time to think about life in the long term - to observe how hard it is to get older, and to start to admit to myself how much in denial I am about my youth passing me by. I assume that because I WANT to be young forever that somehow I will escape the bonds of mortality that shackle... oh, everyone who's ever lived. Alas, I fear this not to be the case.

So I embrace my age (35), and admit that I feel MUCH closer to 27 and am shocked that I must begin to act like an adult or risk losing the privilege of having a family and a few other experiences, and hope that as I get older I can both keep my sense of play and adopt a graceful attitude of what I can no longer do with the same laissez faire affect.

It's raining balls here in NYC today and ALL I want to do is curl up in bed with my kitties and read a book. But I must prepare for sitting with Milo who is just quite mobile on his little feet and loves to explore and throw blocks and repeat words over and over.

Life. It is never boring. At least not mine. Not in the past.... 10 years anyway.

Things I want and do not need!

More.
My world is a jumble of decisions and changes and thus I do fantasy shopping online.

In a recent article in the NY Times they mentioned compulsive shopping as an addiction alongside alcoholism and overeating... ummm... something to think about for me.

But here we have things I managed to not buy but admire from a distance.

A steamer trunk as your portable office?

An herb wreath for your friend, the chef, (or you!) to make his/her kitchen smell & look great, and their dishes that much better.

An emergency pet jacket for your little furry loved one in case of a natural disaster. And yes, I am that crazy.

Crazy sexy wild gorgeous heels (do I wear heels anymore? no. but i would consider it for these puppies).

A place to put shit that makes it look cool rather than just a jumbled mess.

A garmet bag in Imperial Toile from Vera Bradley! Why not.

See how much fun you can have fantasy shopping?

Now it's chore time.

Hot in the city! Hot in the city tonight! Tonight! (New York!)

Well, I have the flu again. It's so tedious I won't go into it. Seeing my dr and hopefully getting rid of this blasted thing once and for all.

BUT.

I have gotten time to organize my home a bit more which is always good. And I thought I'd share with you Jon's and my dinner last night - we got to enjoy the fruits of our labor... literally! Ooh- my humor is too good, too good. ... Sigh.

We had a Caprese Salad with plum tomatoes and basil from our garden, and fresh mozzarella cheese from NYC which is always a treat. Oooohhh-wee it was delicious. Fresh basil... right from our garden! Kind of amazing.

And I had to snap a few photos of my darling, Yoda, who always helps me organize and sew. His specialties are: 1) eating while we're asleep (apparently, since he is quite large and I almost never see him eat); 2) lounging; 3) snuggles. He does all of these with all of the sincerity he approaches life, which is quite noticeable.

Summer is a pain in the ass. I am NOT looking forward to taking the subway to the dr's... but hey, in a few weeks the temps will start dropping and I will be THE HAPPIEST person in the world. Because then the best weather in the world is on its way - Fall.

Summer is zipping by... I'm not that unhappy about it!

Summer is wonderful, but I hate being hot so much that I often don't look forward to it as a season. I love Fall, it's my favorite so the end of Summer is met with big smiles on my face and a greedy rubbing-of-hands and cackling. Everyone else gets depressed, I have an extra bounce in my walk when the temps get down below 65F. Bye bye, Humidity! So long, Sweat! Ciao, Sunblock!

Hello long-sleeved shirts and light sweaters, tights and jackets, layers and crisp breezes!

So I'm not sad it's mid-August and the days are getting shorter. I do love the sunshine when it doesn't make me hot, but I also love storms and overcast days.

Let me talk MORE about the weather.

ANYWAY.
I have been riding my bike around, not as much as I'd like to given the heat we've been experiencing. 80F I can do, but 90 is a bit much... so it's the gym over the bike until later this Fall.

I have so much sewing to do it's crazy. CRAZY. I can't even make a list because it stresses me out too much. So much fun, but a lot of work.

I have had many visits from friends this Summer which has been so fun! I got married again (to the same person), had a birthday, had a family trip, traveled a bit, went to the beach, have been performing... the list goes on.

I am trying to grow tomatoes and peppers in our backyard. So far we've had four cherry tomatoes and have a few sweet and hot peppers growing and one, very green plum tomato who has yet to show any signs of becoming edible. Hmph.

We went to a friend's baby shower and my husband, who went to grad school for art, painted a onesie for their still-in-utero-son. The mother is an opera singer, and the father an actor friend of mine who used to be a bit of a trouble maker when he was younger. So Jon made this onesie. Mine is a lop-eared rabbit... not quite as talented as my husband in the visual arts arena.

Once again I am thankful for my life, for my family, for my friends... my life is a very rich one. And as I begin to see the fall of Summer it reminds that time is marching on, with or without our permission, and I acknowlege the people in my life who truly make it the wonderful, special experience it is.

I face many challenges in the coming years... personally and professionally. But I have to believe that as long as I keep my dark, pessimistic sense of humor and my heart open to change and my hand open to martinis, all will be well enough.

I bought a new bike today.

And I'm so happy. It's weird. I am SO happy! I rode it home through a large part of Brooklyn (wearing my helmet, of course) and had the BEST time.

I've had a really nice mountain bike for a few years and I never ride it. Maybe a few times a year I take it out for a spin around the park, but the way it rides scares me. It's made to go REALLY fast... I don't like that. It's really far off the ground, I don't like that either. I fall a LOT and the thought of falling while moving at high speeds scares the shit out of me.

I grew up riding a cruiser with a butterfly motif through the streets of Boston (ugh... at least they had parks) and loving it. Now they make them for adults!

In particular, Electra and Schwinn. I highly recommend checking them out if you think you like to bike but don't find yourself doing it that much. My new bike, the Electra Cruiser "Gigi", makes me want to ride around Brooklyn all day. Seriously.

I rode my bike home to my apartment and then took it right out again to the organic grocery store a few blocks away to pick up some stuff for dinner. I'm getting a couple of rear-mounted baskets put on in a week or so so I can go to the store and not kill my back with groceries in a backpack on the way home.

I feel all relaxed now and happy and I EXERCISED ... not only did I exercise but it was FUN! THAT never happens to me. It's fun AFTER but not during. It's never fun during! Unless I'm really stressed out.

Cloud nine.
Here's a photo. Now I have to go take a shower because I stink. Hurrah!

Urban living - furniture for small spaces

Something I am a little obsessed with living in NYC.

Here's a bed that lives in your ceiling!

Here's another one!

Are you a crazy person? Then you probably need THIS.

IKEA "Fusion"dining table and chairs for a small space that is cute and economical!

Still Sick

I have been sick for weeks. I could bore you with the minute details, but I won't. This morning, the morning I have woken up to leave NC with my husband and family, I have a sore throat that feels like someone has been tenderizing it while I slept and a sinus headache that, each time I cough the last bits of whatever bronchial infection has haunted me for the last 10 days, I feel like my head is going to explode in a painful burst.

Jealous?

Now we have a 7-hour drive ahead of us to Washington DC where we spend the night and then a 5-hour drive back to New York City. The past three nights I have dreamt of my cats which I take to be homesickness. My poor husband will be forced to do all the driving if I cannot and I can tell this idea is very depressing to him.

This may be the longest I have ever been sick in my life and I don't recommend it. I will be rushing in to see my Dr in NYC when I get there, believe you me. I have taken more Dayquil, Nyquil, Theraflu, Sudafed, Emergen-C, Airborne, chicken soup, vitamin water, tea and Riccola in the past two weeks than in the past year.

This blows.

I can't wait for my doctor to ask me, 'So, how long have you been feeling like this?' and I get to say, '3 weeks'. Then I can watch HER head explode.

Shit I Love and Don't Need

Steel rod for drying clothes in small spaces.

Vertically aligned drying rack for small spaces.

REI's GoToob shampoo and conditioner bottles.

A bat house. No, I'm not kidding.

A DIY baby changing table.

Conserve water with a soaking tub for your dishes.

Stainless steel water bottles with cool art on them by Blue Q! I have one and love it.

Dust while you walk through your apartment!

Glow in the dark zombie finger puppets.

Need magazine storage? Say no more.

Shit I Love and Don't Need

Pedicure Gift Set (actually, I could really use this).

The Peacekeeper Handbag Will someone PLEASE get this for me??!!! How fucking cool is this? And SAFE? I'm all about safety first, especially when it's fashionable.

Herb Scissors (finally! someone thought it through!)

Pebble Runner Rug from Chiasso I have this and love it. A massage when you walk through your home.

Silver Leda Clutch Anything resembling chainmail I love.

NO.

More stones. Want and love.

I love Method handwash and will get on these refillable bags of soap when I get home.

Modern magazine rack - so cool and sleek!

Stone towel hangers. I want these so bad I could plotz. That's right... PLOTZ.

Ok, that's enough for now.

Who's on the controls?

I feel like I'm getting sick which is total BULLSHIT. I don't have time. Really. I have so many sewing projects to get done, I'm leaving in four days to go to my Father's house for a week, I am meeting a good friend in DC, along with my Sistsers-in-law, and she is coming back with me to stay with us during my birthday week.

C'mon body! Oh, and I have a lot of improv things I want to be doing but don't have the time for right now.

Anyway anyway.

Fusca Designs

I want the small, comic bookshelf for our guest room. I have emailed Cancun to see if I can get one. I might have to re-try my email in Spanish if I don't get a response.

LOOK AT THESE CHAIRS! Amazing. I want one.

Don't see "Valkyrie". It's a pile of shit, as we all suspected. I will watch anything with Eddie Izzard in it, but he did not have a fighting chance of making that Hollywood-version of Stauffenberg's assassination attempt on Hitler any better. Tom Cruise should stick to "Mission Impossible". That's what he's good at. Oh, and he was good in "Magnolia" and "Tropic Thunder" (because he's basically playing himself).

Moving on. I've got a small fever people and have to sort through my entire wardrobe today to bring what I don't want to what my friend and co-improvisor calls "the fat-girl thrift store". I'm excited to sell some shit.

Okee dokee. I have piles of cool fabric that need my attention. PILES in my living room.

Off I go to try to be productive. I wish you luck doing the same.

Window Boxes, Clive Owen, Rainy Days and Ashtrays!

So further along the road more domestic, I am finally painting our window boxes. Yeah... remember that project from [cough] ago? Well, I caulked 'em. (Not an easy task, I discovered. Looks easy - isn't.) And now I'm painting them white. I'm HOPING to get the second coat of paint on tomorrow so they can dry by Saturday so I can put herbs and flowers in them then.

... We'll see. You know my track record.

I have turned my kitchen into a painting war-zone. Clive Owen was underneath one of my boxes so I gave him a paintbrush-kiss. He is extremely attractive. A friend of mine called him, "The best looking caveman" which may be part of his appeal. He's attractive enough that I don't even care to analyze it -I just know what I know. Smooch to C.O.

So.
I have also set up a couple of ashtrays with supplies from my local hardware store (where I went today with blood smeared on my face without knowing it this morning. The check out girls were suspicious of me... I wonder why. A cut on my thumb later turned out to be the source.) ANYWAY. I bought two small metal buckets and put desert sand in them and topped them with some seashells that I brought back from the Outer Banks a couple of years ago. We are going to be having people over for BBQ's this Summer and a lot of my friends smoke and I hate having our ground/steps littered with butts. So here is a practical, cheap, and friendly solution.

I also bought these magazine storage containers from Solutions.com which I highly recommend. I sort through them once a year and throw out mags that I don't want amymore, but this way I can reference them, see which mag I'm looking at through the clear plastic, and have them stored in an attractive, dust-free way.

Are you aware of African Rooibos tea? I'm sure most of you are - it's been a big hit in the U.S. for a long time. But I'm just mentioning it, because it's vanilla flavored (sometimes), decaffeinated, and filled antioxidants if you're into that sort of thing. It's dee-lish, as my family would say.

Ok! Off to sew and do some dishes before improv rehearsal. Ciao!

How to have an odor-free home with cats!

After many, MANY years of having at least one feline my husband and I (who now have three, thank you) have figured out a fabulous way to keep the litter box area clean, organized and relatively odor-free! As a plumber once said while working in our bathroom, "You have 3 cats? You'd never know it! Believe me, some of the places I've been... you KNOW it."

I am a crazy cat lady, for sure, but I like to maximize the "cat" and keep the "crazy" to a minimum, at least when it pertains to felines.

We use Arm & Hammer Odor Alert or Arm & Hammer Multiple Cats litter (I prefer Odor Alert even with 3 cats, but that's me) mixed 1/2 and 1/2 with Cedarific Natural Litter. It is a very odor-absorbent combo and the Cedarific helps cut down on the amount of dust from the A&H litter, which is still considerable. We use Arm & Hammer Litter Deodorizer for a topical solution to smell when we have guests over or it's 3am and you just want it to GO AWAY.

I also buy vanilla scented car deodorizers and hang one about every month or two in the room with the litter boxes. It helps a lot! We live in a 1200 sq. foot apartment in New York City and I prefer smelling something refreshing as I walk past the hall closet with our two large litter boxes. We use Cats Rule litter boxes because we have 3, large, male cats.

Scoop every day. There is no way around this with multiple cats unless you have a house with a basement. Make sure at last once every three months you change ALL the cat litter out so there is no urine soaked litter that will make it smell exponentially horrible each time they use it.

And make sure the boxes have plenty of room for the cats to access it. You want to make it as attractive and user-friendly for them as possible. Don't put it/them in a high-traffic area. Cats are suspicious animals and they, like us, don't like to do their business while there are a bunch of people watching or nearby. Privacy is key.

Those are my nuggets of wisdom! Enjoy your clean, fresh-smelling cat home!

Feral Cat Shelter

I am always look for ways to better shelter the feral cats in our neighborhood without it taking over the backyard. There are kittens out there now and I have a plastic storage bin with a hole poorly cut in it and old newspapers lining it. I've seen the kittens use it in a pinch, but I haven't perfected how to really keep them warm and dry. It looks like, according to this website, that straw is the way to go.

Now you will see how much of a city girl when I ask: Where does one buy straw? Never seen it! Home Depot? There's one nearby... I will check it out.

In the mean time, if you have stray or feral cats nearby, you might want to check out this organization and their advice on caring for feral cat colonies.

Alley Cat Allies - Feral Cat Shelters

Spay and Stay - Cat Shelter

Looks like along with my yet unfinished window boxes (I know, I KNOW) I have more work to do!

http://www.spayandstay.org/wintershelter.htm

Maritime Lobby - too bad it's not a bar.

There is a Maritime bar, of course. But it doesn't look like the lobby. I went there with a good friend of mine after improv practice the other night and we walked into the lobby and I started drooling. I thought it was the bar! Then we walked into the bar, which is very nice, and was like, "oh, nevermind".

Sigh.
Life is so hard.
The Maritime bar has a great outdoor space and some lovely drinks. We had a fabulous time... but man would I like to chill in this lobby. Maybe one day I'll just bring Pinot Grigio in a flask and sit there.

And can anyone else see the man in this tree root? He caught my eye on the way to the subway the other day...

Jaws shower curtain! Edgar Allen Poe action figure!

I love this and have a friend who is very much into sharks.

Read The Chum Slick!

And I wanted to get this shower curtain for him until I realized he has shower doors. Boo.

But it's still cool.

I also like this Smurfette coin purse and key chain! Love that Smurfette!

And, because I'm a geek, I love the Andy Warhol Inspiration Set.

Oh - and an Edgar Allen Poe action figure. LOL. Too funny.

Yes, I've been given THIS twice.

All junk I don't need! But love... and maybe you "need" it?

Are my cats ModKats?

Well, first of all, if they want to be ModKats, they are going to all have to get jobs, because these things are expensive!

ModKat Litter Boxes!

And secondly, they are going to have to learn to get in there.

ModKat Instructional Video!

As you might know by now, I'm a crazy cat lady. We have three very large, male cats and one of them doesn't always *realize* his butt is hanging out of the litter box. So this would be a good solution to his problem... if he can fit in there.

Not bad tho!

Oh, and welcome, Summer! Great things are in store for this Summer and I'm looking forward to all of them.

A strange criteria for love

This phrase kept going through my head during my last visit to see my father. The house always smells of cigars, not a scent I particularly relish, and it's dirty as an older person's house is. And yet, I found myself breathe a sigh of relief or resignation or both upon arriving at his brick townhouse in Washington DC. My relationship with him is complicated to say the least, but for a long time I've called where my parents live "home". I sat on the patio our first night there and read my murder mystery by P.D. James, watching the swallows chase each other in the stormy, late-Spring, DC sky. It was humid and clouds roiled above, threatening rain, but never delivering. It was gusty, cool, humid, and completely unlike NYC.

My father would come upstairs occasionally to refill his drink and rustle around in the kitchen for a few moments. I was so still on the patio, watching his cat "Mittens" walk in and out of the house, perfectly content to come and go as many times as her little fickle, cat-heart wanted. My husband was asleep upstairs in what we refer to as my room. Mittens is, in fact, not Mittens. The real Mittens died a couple of years after my mother passed away and Dad didn't want another cat. My brothers and I schemed on how to get one into the house without my father being able to veto it immediately. He hates any kind of change, no matter how small or large. Then one pre-Christmas day my oldest brother, Byron, and I were walking with family in Alexandria, VA and saw a sign for shelter adoption. Byron in his funny and wise way said, "Ho hooo!" and pointed to the sign.

An hour later we brought home "Faith" - a white and black cat that is as luscious as a cat is allowed to be. She is calm, self-assured, flirty, and knows what she wants. She's smart, loyal, and has an air about her that lets one be who they are without worrying she will bite or run away. My father eventually informed all of us that he would call her Mittens as well, as he couldn't "learn a new name". After four years of stubbornness, I finally have agreed to call her "Mitzy" despite my gritted teeth when I do so. I was very close to the original Mitzy, you see, and this cat, whom I adore, is not her. After many years of referring to her as Faith or "Not-Mitts" I feel it is time to embrace what is and stop obsessing on what was - advice I have given my father many times which he has not taken.

My father was a minister for many years, so it's funny to me that he rejects the name Faith for Mittens (a name I bestowed upon our loving, wonderful family cat of 20-years at the age of 8). But that is a small gesture which demonstrates where he is in his life. (I just noticed that 'demon' is part of 'demonstrate'.)

I don't believe in demons. I don't really care about them as a concept. I am far more afraid of the living than the dead. I watch my father struggle with his life, his loss, his anger at the world that betrayed what he and my mother believed existed. They lived their lives in a certain way in order to be something, to get something ultimately that neither of them have gotten. My mother wanted years to herself to do what she wanted after years of doing what was expected of her for my father's career, and to enjoy watching her little girl (me) grow up into a woman, marry, and have children. She referred to my cat, Remmy, who has lived with me for 12 years as her "little grand-kitty". She did not survive long enough to do much of that.

So visiting my father's house, particularly on Mother's Day weekend, was a difficult thing to do. It was filled with joyous visits with friends and family and painful sad moments of dealing with my father when he can barely stand or when he is silent after I tell him of my recent modest achievements.

The silence of the house combined with the fact that NOTHING changes in between my visits makes it feel like a grandparents house - filled to the brim with memories hanging in the air with the cobwebs. You disturb things by your mere presence.

There is something comforting about being in a house where my mother has lived. A few years ago I was obsessed with getting my father to move out, into a smaller, more manageable place that doesn't have as many stairs or rooms to keep clean. He, in keeping with his character, when presented with this idea was horrified at the suggestion and proceeded to act like an abusive jerk for several days after we had a family pow-wow to discuss it. My brothers and I got the "FUCK NO" message and have backed off that idea for the past couple of years.

I still think there would be many pluses for my father moving out of his house, but this visit, almost 8 years after Mom passed away I began to realize, to allow myself to see, why he doesn't leave. She is there, in the shadows, in the living room having her Chardonnay and reading her book. And while we all know she in our hearts and is as much everywhere as in that living room where she spent so much time and ultimately died, it is easier to see her there with her delicate hands, the bow in her hair, throwing her mouth wide open when she really let out a belly laugh.

For the first time in 8 years I was able not to drink myself into oblivion just to deal with going to sleep there. A lot of credit I give to my husband, who is so supportive of me that when I burst into tears on the morning of Mother's Day in "my room" he simply held onto me and murmured in my ear as I sobbed.

I was the one who suggested we go down that weekend to plant flowers at Mom's grave as we haven't had time in several months. I know she is not located at that grave, that I could put out flowers anywhere in my apartment and tell her they are for her with the same amount of success in communicating as I would have in the cemetery. But I still drive 4 1/2 hours to get to her grave on a certain weekend.

I still long to go down to visit my father despite his difficult personality and place in life now. What is it that allows us to love our family as much as we do when they annoy the shit out of us? It's not just familiarity, let me tell you. There isn't enough familiarity in this world to put up with some of the stuff he's pulled, and yet I am pleased when he smiles for a few moments in between beats in a conversation with me and my husband. I am pleased when we arrive at the graveside and three lavender plants have survived the Winter and are beginning to grow and bloom.

As we planted a rose bush and African daisies and more lavender my husband and I dove into the task of "making things better". See? It's pretty, it smells good. I said as we were leaving, "It looks like somebody cares." And my husband quietly replied next to me, "Somebody does."

One hot day Sunday with Window Boxes

I am the type of person who wakes up one day and says to herself, "I want to plant an herb garden in window boxes on the front of our 3 large windows off of our living room!". So I think it's just a matter of going to the hardware store or garden center and buying window boxes, then going to the nursery and buying some plants and plopping them in there. What's the problem? By that evening, I should have a luscious garden that readers of BH&G would drool over.

Ahem... no.

Years ago when I lived in Manhattan with a good friend from college I woke up one day and decided to sculpt. I opened the yellow pages (yes, those were the earlier days of the internet when I still referred to the Yellow Pages for information) and found a sculpting studio, called them, went down there and picked up the basics including a large rock of soapstone. I decided to start with something simple: Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the mountain.

I worked on it for a while, discovered that [gasp!] sculpting was much harder than it seemed, and carried a shitty, half-finished Sisyphus around with me to three apartments (including one cross-country move) before admitting that I would probably not finish him.

I have never put up window boxes before. So I went to the hardware store in Park Slope to see some window boxes that were entirely ordinary and made me sigh with mediocrity. So I went online (see, now I'm savvy) and found three, cedar, scalloped window boxes that were cheap and exactly what I had pictured for our lovely 'suburban' Brooklyn apartment.

Our landlords are incredibly cool people and are very supportive of my attempt to grow an herb garden outside of our windows, with some flowers as well, of course, and said we had artistic license.

So I ordered the window boxes from HERE. I told my husband about my purchase and showed him the photo and he agreed, they were cool. Duh. I KNOW THAT. I picked them out!

So when we got them he looked at them and said, "We'll probably need to put sealant on them, and caulk them, and put plastic liner in them and do you want to paint them?"

I sighed. WHY was he making things so complicated? You get a box, and you plop plants in there! Voila! I thought, "He doesn't know what he's talking about" feeling SURE that I knew what I talking about having done no research and never even approached a window box before in my life.

He did some online research to find that yes, one should put sealant on bare wood boxes if you don't want it to rot immediately, and caulking is a good idea too as well as a plastic liner. FINE. So we went to Home Depot to get supplies where I almost lost my mind. I am very patient sometimes in life: in crisis, I am a good person to have around. I think quickly on my feet and am able to make quick, informed decisions. At a place like Home Depot, I am your worst nightmare. I sigh a lot and look bored as hell and shift my weight back and forth between my feet every 30 seconds. It's too big, with too many options and men don't ask questions. My tactic in a place like that is to corner an employee with my list and make them show me where everything is before I thank them profusely and go on my way.

My husband knows about wood planks and sealants and saws and brushes and shit. So he does it on his own. Who knew there were certain brushes for paint and others for sealant? It's a BRUSH.

We made it out of there with everything. I am going to paint the window boxes white. I am so excited.

While Jon was sawing in the driveway, I was putting the first of THREE coats on the window boxes and enjoying the evening of what was a very hot day and now is a warm, breezy entry into night.

My cats spent the day lounging in poses that resembled melting clocks by Dali in the heat. And, of course, I had to take photos.

NEXT weekend I will get to walk up the block to the garden center and buy herbs and plop them in sealed, caulked, painted, and lined window boxes. Harumph.

Emmet Otter's Jug Band!!!!!!!!!

My husband just showed me this because otters are my favorite animals in the world. (Don't tell my cats.)

SOoooooooooooooooooo cute!

Emmet Otter's Jug Band.

NYC Photos

Weight loss... what a bitch.

So I have decided to partially document the diet I have begun... again.

I have struggled with my weight for a long, long, long time. Even when I was thin/skinny/svelt I struggled and felt fat. I now look back at those photos of myself and think, "Holy crap, I would KILL to be that weight again". Getting older and having a slower metabolism doesn't help.

This is not reflective of my general feeling of attractiveness, sexiness, hotness etc. But I do want to lose a fairly significant amount of weight and since I have struggled with this for a while I thought I would write down some thoughts, choices, experiences as I go along. Maybe someone else will find them useful.

I have given up sugar until my birthday which is in July. I am allowed to have cake on my husband's birthday which is June and then will have a shit-ton of sugar on my birthday and make myself sick doing so. I LOVE cake. Love love love love love. I was not allowed to eat sugar growing up, or really eat a lot of anything, so now I feel immense pleasure when I get to gorge on desserts. So we'll see how that goes. I'm already (3 days in) psychotic with sugar cravings. I am allowing myself sugar in my tea and a little on my oatmeal. If you've ever eaten plain oatmeal then you know why.

No desserts, no sugary cereals, no chocolate milk etc. I'm also trying to work out 3-5 times/week (cardio & weights at the gym, yoga, kickboxing, pilates at home). And, of course, I am watching my fat, salt, and carb intake. I eat a lot of low fat meats, vegetables and fruits. The grains I do eat I try to make whole and keep them on the lighter side (Weight Watchers bread etc.). I will be doing Weight Watchers online which I have done before and it's really helped me.

I love all kinds of food passionately. I love to bake, to cook, to go out to eat. I grew up with a mother who enjoyed abstaining from foods in order to preserve her lovely figure - as a result this behavior is repugnant to me so dieting brings out a lot of negative feelings. I am trying to balance all these feelings with the feelings of wanting to feel good about my body, especially as I get older, and watch my health.

I'm 3 days into the no-sugar thing and I want to drown myself in a vat of melted chocolate. I literally moaned out loud at the deli today looking at my favorite chocolate bar. I think the woman behind the counter probably thought, "No wonder she's fat... she's moaning out loud at the mere SIGHT of chocolate." I was on my way home from the gym and was ravenous.

Ok! Off to shower and get back to my day. [Big, forced smile.]

Insomnia... and a bit of Titus

Titus Andronicus is a serious play. If you haven't read it, or seen the movie with Anthony Hopkins and Jessica Lange, I highly suggest you do. Don't do it in a fragile state of mind - it's intense and filled with violence. Perhaps my favorite dramatic monologue of all time belongs to Tamora of "Titus" fame. And for some reason, when I woke up at 4am and discovered I couldn't get back to sleep, I decided to look it up.

TAMORA: Have I not reason, think you, to look pale?

These two have ticed me hither to this place,

A barren detested vale you see it is;

The trees, though summer, yet forlorn and lean,

Overcome with moss and baleful mistletoe.

Here never shines the sun; here nothing breeds,

Unless the nightly owl or fatal raven:

And when they showed me this abhorrèd pit,

They told me, here, at dead time of the night,

A thousand fiends, a thousand hissing snakes,

Ten thousand swelling toads, as many urchins,

Would make such fearful and confusèd cries

As any mortal body hearing it

Should straight fall mad, or else die suddenly.

No sooner had they told this hellish tale

But straight they told me they would bind me here

Unto the body of a dismal yew

And leave me to this miserable death.

And then they called me foul adulteress,

Lascivious Goth, and all the bitterest terms

That ever ear did hear to such effect;

And had you not by wondrous fortune come,

This vengeance on me had they executed.

Revenge it, as you love your mother's life,

Or be ye not henceforth called my children.

Spring Day and Mushroom Risotto... for real.

Last night when I went to make the mushroom risotto I discovered that someone (Jon) had eaten all the mushrooms I had purchased for the risotto. I was in a horrible mood and he was kind enough to bring home two salads for our dinner and dried porcino mushrooms. So now they are soaking in my kitchen and I am finishing a baby quilt I was commissioned to do which is really late. I'm happy to be doing the binding on the quilt, but I need to do that, make and eat risotto (poor me), do my yoga video again, shower and be in the city by 7:30pm for improv practice. It feels like a lot to do.

I will survive, something tells me.

It's a GORGEOUS spring day here today, all the windows are open, and the cats are sniffing and running and meowing at everything. It's distracting but cute.

Okay, back to binding before the porcinos are calling my name.

Mushroom Risotto and a cloudy aquarium

My husband and I recently purchased the Biorb and downsized our 20-gallon tank to the 4-gallon Biorb, putting our Betta fish "Ozymandias" in it. I love it. Except today, about a week in, I noticed the water was extremely cloudy. So I changed it, emptying out and replacing about 50% of the water and it helped at first... and now it's right back to cloudy. I'm terrified I'm going to kill Ozzy and would very much like someone to tell me it's okay.

He seems fine - chipper in fact - but I'm still nervous. I read on a site somewhere that this should clear up in a few days and it's just the "system clearing itself out". ??? I think it's fucking weird, but I have never quite understood the science of aquariums.

And tonight I'm making Mushroom Risotto, which sadly will require me to get off my duff, as my mum used to say, and do something. I just got back from the gym and I'm enjoying being a couch potato while watching "Law and Order: Criminal Intent".

I'm enjoying THIS COOKBOOK that I got a while ago and have now labeled all the recipes I want to try. And in it is a recipe for Mushroom Risotto.

And yesterday I did THIS yoga video and it kicked my ass. If you're a beginner, I recommend this video.

Springtime for Hitler and East 7th Street!

Another Spring, another lovely awakening of nature in Brooklyn. Cool, crisp breezes, birds chirping almost manically, cats and dogs happily trotting down the street sniffing the air. It make-a me happy.

I have decided to photograph all our feral cats so you can see the cuteness that lives in back of the house where we rent our apt. I LOVE this neighborhood. Love love love love. It's absolutely perfect for me and I hope we can someday have a more permanent home here. But until then, I count myself to be one of the lucky ones who gets an awesome big, sunny two-bedroom apartment with cool landlords/neighbors and one of the best neighborhoods I've ever experienced.

So here we go! Trees are starting to blossom and birds take over the tree in front of our apartment which means lots of chirping... and lots of bird shit on our car.

And also here are some photos of my cat, Yoda, force-snuggling his brother Eskimo (both of whom were born in our backyard). Yoda just happens to be force-snuggling me right now as I try to type this around his enormous corpus.

Happy Spring everyone!