best gifts post

i'm all about gifts people will use as opposed to things that will take up space in a limited environment. the days of trinkets are gone, people. who has room for that anymore?

i like ice cream and have been known to eat a pint in one sitting even (although not for a few years now), but it's not something that tempts me at the grocery store. i'm more of a cake/pastries person than an ice cream person. can you hear the qualifier approaching?

BUT. Steve's Ice Cream is really good and has a flavor called Salty Caramel that is so good i can't stop eating it. my husband and i bought some for the holiday and oops, it didn't make it. so i went to our local organic place and got another. i'm not a huge fan of caramel or vanilla ice cream either but in this setting, the salty caramel and sweet vanilla melt together to create a symphony of contrasting yet harmonious flavors and....well, you get the picture. it makes no sense on paper that i would be obsessed with this ice cream but here we are. who am i to question the ice cream gods?

they also make flavors called Bourbon Pecan Pie & NOLA iced coffee & donuts. if that wordy endorsement wasn't enough of a reason to try it, then i don't know what to tell you.

this blanket from Eddie Bauer is on sale and the warmest, lightest, easiest to store thing. i bought one that was half price ($60) to replace some old throws and it would make a fantastic gift! if i could, i would buy one for pretty much my entire family. it gets over 700 5-star reviews. 'nuff said.

for the technologically advanced people in your life, you can get them Grid It, $12.79 on Amazon. i'd like to get this for my husband sometime soon. it's great for travel but also just organizing all the little parts that go together for our modern world.


for the little ones, you might get them a toy by Green Toys, a fantastic toy company that uses all recycled materials to make their products which are durable, lightweight and fun. we got the submarine for my 1+ year-old son for the bath and he loves it. it's very well made and i can tell he'll be using it for years to come. the submarine is light enough that he can play with it easily and the water pours out the front and side in a steady, pretty stream which makes him want to play with it and watch it. great for washing hair and just having fun all around.

for the 1+ crowd i'd also recommend the board book, The House in the Night. it's a rhythmic story about, you know, a house...in the night. it's very soothing and pretty and heartwarming without being too saccharin. there are good children's books and then there are special children's books. this one is both.

for the cook in your life, this Joseph Joseph spatula is great. i use it pretty much every time i cook for all the reasons stated on amazon.

if you live in NYC, and have an anglophile in your life, go to Myers of Keswick for some British meat pies and/or bangers. they are delicious and hard to find in the States.

we had some sweet friends send us an order from Zingerman's online deli that was really delectable. it blows Harry & David right out of the water as far as gift baskets are concerned.

more soon as i think of them!

what it's like to be a mom

thursday something happened that encapsulated what it's like to be a SAHP (stay at home parent) for me.

it was a relatively normal day with my 15-month-old son. we were having a good time but i was feeling a little more drained than usual. we had been busy and i really needed to have a little time to deal with myself or i was going to go, as my friend says, binky banky.

i'm blessed with a good sleeper. i know, i know. if you're a parent without one, you're groaning. i'm lucky in this regard and i know and i thank my lucky stars. i'm also a stay at home parent who has no help. i mean, no babysitters, no nannies, no housecleaners, no family nearby - i do it all. i plan meals, clean our apartment, order/buy groceries, make doctors appointments, research activities, sort through clothes, read up on development, make playdates and oh, take care of my son.

i'm married to a wonderful man who is very supportive and takes our son a lot on the weekends to give me a break. like i said - lucky. 

but all of this is The Disclaimer. because if you're a parent, you know that even if you're lucky in certain regards, you're still a parent, working, not working, with tons of support or not, it's really, really hard.

so we were toodling along in our week together and he all of a sudden wouldn't go to sleep during his normal nap time. he wasn't sick, there was no reason i could think of why he was screaming like a demon baby instead of peacefully drifting off with minor soothing from me, as he normally does.

i was so tired. not like, i need to sleep tired. tired like I NEED TWO HOURS TO MYSELF OR I'M GOING TO LOSE MY #%$@ING MIND tired. when i realized he might not sleep, i found myself going to The Dark Place. here was my thought process:

oh my god, he's not going to nap. he's going to scream and be exhausted and have puffy eyes and be wired and tired and cranky and i'm going to be dragging my body along like someone in the desert looking for an oasis just for one. drop. of. water. please please please this can't be happening. i'll do anything. i just need a little time for myself. is that too much to ask? 

i can't do this. i cannot do this anymore and i don't know anyone who can. why would anyone have more than one child? this is horrible. i have NO TIME FOR MYSELF. there's no room. there's no room for a haircut, my hair has been growing unchecked for months. i can't clean my house properly, exercise, talk to my friend for more than 5 fragmented minutes, go on a date with my husband, work on anything related to my self-expression, GO TO THE DENTIST. i have been ignoring a cavity for about a year now. (hmmm...i wonder how that's going to turn out?) there's no time and i can't do this without a break. i can't make meals for him unless i'm navigating a toddler who's emptying all my spices onto the floor while i'm trying not to pour boiling water on his head before i get to the sink. this is untenable. day after day after day after day of no relief! why did we do this to ourselves? we had a good life, we traveled, we saw friends, had new experiences - we left our neighborhood! every day!

he's still screaming. this will never stop. i will never have a break again until i'm too broken to care. all of my dreams are swirling down the toilet in front of my very eyes and all i can do is watch and try not to throw things out the window. you don't understand, universe - these naps are ALL I HAVE. there's no one relieving me, there's no spa day, no vacation. I NEED THEM OR I CAN'T DO THIS PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME CRY WHILE PUSHING MY SON TO THE PLAYGROUND IN HIS STROLLER. i don't want to look like a crazy lady, i want to be a happy, well-balanced mommy with love in her heart and fresh baked bread cooling on the counter. why why why does this have to be so hard all the time?! 

i checked on my son a few times during the hour that he stood up in his crib in his sleep-sack, screaming his little head off in protest of having to sleep (in between which he yawned, looked exhausted and closed his eyes for exactly one second). the last time i went in to comfort him i had *almost* resigned myself to the fact that we were going to have a horrible day and i should just accept that we would both be miserable and we would get through it somehow. when i lay him back down this time he did so peacefully. he was on his side facing away from me and looked up at me with this sly, slow smile, grabbed my hand in his little one and began to suck his thumb, holding onto me.

i thought, you are the most magical, beautiful, wonderful little being i have ever seen in my entire existence. i love you more than i have ever loved anything in this universe and i want to smell that baby smell of yours for the rest of my life even if you are simultaneously driving me to the point of total insanity on a daily (if not hourly) basis. there has never been a creature as delightful and lovely as you and i would do anything for you.

i left his room and he slept for 3 hours. see? lucky. then i did yoga and took a nice, hot shower. i'm sure all of this will happen again soon, but in a different way just to keep me on my toes.