This is a half-baked thought/s. Recently I have noticed that I have become... less impressed with the world and more frustrated with how little seems to move towards... progress? There is still war. We are still in one. There was a giant oil spill. They can't clean it up. There is still rape and murder and slavery and torture and people who think they can tell others how to live... why these things should suddenly stop happening when they've been happening for thousands of years, I don't know. But it bothers me. A lot.
I have a friend who gets happy, really happy, about little stuff. She isn't as interested in the big picture stuff as I am, she doesn't feel it's her duty to seek it out and understand it (which is what I believe). And she's happy more than I am. About getting a really good sandwich, or sitting in the park on a lovely day. I used to love those things too. Perhaps it's because I want to apply myself to something in life in which I find meaning, perhaps it's that I am a depressive person and a cynic and consider myself a realist (which is exhausting). But regardless, I would like to have a few more moments in my life where I can appreciate the little things that happen all the time that are kind of wonderful. Otherwise I think I may go insane.
I don't want to be ignorant or a Pollyanna (and don't think I could be if I tried). I do consider it my duty to seek out information and truth even if it costs me something. Even if it costs me a lot. But I also want to be happy. And I haven't been very happy recently. And I'm tired.
And I think I should discover some of the wonder that the world has to offer. Because if you look for it, it's there. Just like the rape and the torture and the corruption and heartlessness. They both exist, simultaneously. The balance is curious.
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